The Scream
KateWhen I was one, Mum had a child Who later turned out to be crazy and wild They named her Kate, Kate was her name She was gullible when young - oh what a fun gameKate
I tricked her and tricked her again and again From rushtons in a grate, to being postmen She always felt generous, till she gave me a Mizz Then she cottoned on, saw I was taking the pizz(?)
But then she grew taller, all her energy reserved And now I fear a beating, one very deserved Beating debts mounted, she never repays them I'll hide and feel lucky, but never in the gymnasium
I'd have to say that your 'I am Kane' story was quite horrific indeed, and even though there are some things you could work on (particuarily less confusing sections of dialogue and some sentence and chapter flow) you really do have talent, which a lot of the artists here probably don't have!!! Keep writing, you're great!!
~AS-Sama, the writing piece commenter
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"As we look deeply within, we understand our perfect balance. There is no fear of the cycle of birth, life and death. For when you stand in the present moment, you are timeless."
~Rodney Yee
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JKiner
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